I don’t write much about my family of origin, I think occasionally I’ve written about my Dad, but I don’t write much about my Mom. There are reasons for why I don’t write much about either of them. I love my Mom, I always will, but I don’t always like my Mom. She has some things going in her life that I thought had been taken care of and put to bed, but it seems that these issues are springing back up and it’s because of these issues that we don’t always get along. Now, if you happen to take issue with the fact that I don’t get along with my mother and think I should suck it up then this may not be the post for you.
My Mom had a drinking problem, she ended up with pneumonia and then ended up in MICU and almost died. I got a call from a nurse in the ICU and they asked me if they should pull the plug if my Mom were to code. She survived, but barely, and she promised to stop drinking. She went through withdrawal in the hospital. She moved in with my brother and was on the mend. Then she went to see my grandmother for a weekend and ended up with a DUI. The drinking stopped after that because she was living with my brother again, but I’m 99% sure that’s she’s started drinking again. She’s living in the same city but in an apartment on her own. I have no doubt that it will kill her someday. The doctors told her that if she didn’t stop drinking, smoking, and didn’t start eating that she wouldn’t make it. My last phone call with her this past weekend leads me and my husband to believe that she’s drinking again. I love her, but I can’t make her stop, I can’t make her get help, she has to want it for herself. I don’t see that happening.
That’s not to say my Dad didn’t have his issues either. I watched my Dad choke my brother in the kitchen when my brother smarted off to him about something. I continued to eat my cereal and do my homework and think to myself, shouldn’t have been a smart ass little brother. My Mom told me that last time he hit her she was holding a 2 year old me in her arms and she slugged him back in the nose. He didn’t hit her again after that because she fought back. I learned at an early age not to piss him off, but I also learned all the ways he would use to make life miserable. He would give you the silent treatment and it would drive my Mom and my brother up the wall and they would beg and plead for him to talk to them and apologize for days. Not me, I just gave it right back. I was always stubborn, my Mom used to tell me all the time how much like my Dad I was, in some ways it turned out to be a good thing because I learned early on to stand up for myself. I’ve been screamed at and hit, but to the outside world we were a loving happy family. My Dad was the coach for the 6th and 5th grade basketball team, the kids called him Pops, people in town loved him, he ran for County Commissioner and one. The man didn’t have a diploma or a GED and had no experience at all in politics but he ran and won. I would have people tell me how lucky I was to have him as a Dad. They had no idea what went on at home. I grew up thinking that my childhood was normal until I made out into the real world.
I’ve read and heard that often times a woman who was abused as a child will marry someone who is abusive and that is exactly what my Mom did. My grandfather was an abusive SOB who cheated on my grandmother and beat her and their six children. I made a promise to myself that I would never marry a man like my father and I am happy to say that The Geek is an amazing husband and father and shares absolutely none of the traits my Dad had. For a long time I didn’t tell him about my childhood, I told him the happy parts, the good memories and there were good memories, but when we started to fight after having kidlet because being a first time parent is stressful I let it all out. We make an effort to discuss rather scream at each other and if one of us is really angry we cool down. I will not subject my daughter or this kidlet due in March to what I grew up with.
I posted this today because I’ve come to a point in my life where I’m ready to let it go. My Dad passed away in 2002, I keep my Mom at a distance that works for me, and I have never been happier. I love my husband and my daughter, I love my job, I love living in Oregon, and I’m ecstatic to be pregnant with our second and final baby. Putting this on paper so to speak and putting it out there is my way of saying good bye to the past. My childhood helped to shape the person I’ve become and I’m proud of the woman I am today. I’m also happy with the woman I am today. I’m happy and that’s awesome.